Author: ricrorr

Textured Speech

Posted on by ricrorr

Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.

We’ve all heard someone say – it’s not what they said, but how they said it! In fact, most of us have either said or thought this at one time or another. The words were true, but how they came out made them ineffective because of the way they came out.

I once counseled a young woman from New Jersey. She was upset that people reacted angrily to her suggestions. They closed off. They argued. They refused to hear even the most plainly positive suggestions. She asked me why. My response shocked her – It’s not your words, but the texture of your speech that’s the obstacle.

Speech has texture. Much like a silk handkerchief feels good on the nose, but a steel wool pad doesn’t, so our words come with texture. The good news is that we get to choose what words we use and thereby control the texture. We need not choose steel wool when silk will serve the purpose and leave no mark.

A craftsman chooses his tool very carefully. He doesn’t use a sledgehammer to seat decorative tacks in a cabinet face. He uses a small tack hammer. He doesn’t swing like he’s breaking rock, but like he’s gently seating a tack. He uses the smallest nail that will do the job adequately.

Too often, in our speech, we send a chainsaw to do what fine sandpaper will accomplish. We fell the tree rather than trim the branch. We use words that are abrasive and unkind when gentle and kind words are the tool most needed. We “set them straight”, “get our point across”, “give them what for”, and sit and wonder why our message is rejected and a battle ensues.

I know no one wants to hear this, but this is the speakers failing. The problem lies not with the receiver, but with the sender. The sender has chosen the wrong time, tool, or texture. Success is more likely when we first consider: Are my words from a place of love? If not, stop. Are my words gentle? If not, stop. Are my words kind? If not, stop.

Choose the texture of communication first, match the words to the texture, then time the message appropriately. It’s seldom our words, but rather the texture of our speech that leads to hurt. Be Gentle, Be Kind, Be Love.

Sharpening One Another

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Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

1 Corinthians 15:33 says this a different way – Bad company corrupts good character. The company we keep matters. As parents, we’re very aware of our children and the company they keep. Yet, we’re not as aware when it comes to the company we keep.

Age does not make us immune to this proverb. Negative people, evil people, and people with worldly values will always dull our walk with God. When we associate closely with these people, the messages we are receiving reflect the values they hold. Our ears hear hopelessness, fear, anger, greed, lust, pride. Our eyes see stuff and worldly status symbols. This dulls our sense of who God is and what He is doing in this world. Our company is corrupting our character – there is no iron to sharpen our countenance upon.

When we associate with positive people, good people, and people with spiritual values, our countenance is sharpened and our walk with God is brightened. The messages we receive are messages of confidence, hope, love, generosity, and humility. Our hearts are filled with the gifts of the spirit. Our eyes see smiles and appreciation of the blessings of life. This sharpens our sense of who God is and the mighty Masterpiece He is creating in this world. It makes us appreciative of being allowed to be a small part of His plan. Our character is refreshed – we sharpen our inner spirit against the spirit of our brothers and sisters.

What’s the company you’re keeping? Negative or positive? What kind of company are you? Negative or positive? Are you iron for another to sharpen against? Or do you watch the nightly news and read negative internet posts and pass this along to your spouse, friends, and children? 

Too often, we forget that the Bible speaks to each individual – I am an individual, you are an individual. When the Bible says, “One person sharpens the countenance of another like iron sharpens iron”, it is saying that each of us has impact on the inner feelings of those we come in contact with. We have the ability to create happiness, joy, and blessings! We have the ability to lift someone from a low place to a higher place by our words, actions, and presence. We must choose to be that person and to interact with our brother or sister in this way. 

Happiness or sadness, positive or negative – with each breath we choose what we “gift” others. Choose your gift wisely.

Understand to Love

Posted on by ricrorr

Ephesians 5:2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Each of us has a defined idea of what love looks like. To some, roses are meaningful. To others, they’re a waste of money. Some value time with one another. Others value time away from one another. Each of us defines, from an early age, what love looks like to us.

In order to truly love another person effectively, we must first understand how that person defines love. What does love look like to that person? To an overwhelmed mother, it may look like a night out on the town. To an overwhelmed executive, it may look like quiet time at home. We MUST  accept the fact that people understand love based on their personal definition, not ours. It’s a zero value effort to “wish someone loved” in a way that he or she doesn’t understand and define love. Many tears have been shed throughout time over a love who does not love like we understand. 

Consider love to be a key to a door. When I look at the key to the front door of my house and compare it to the key to the front door of my neighbors house, I see that they are not the same. They may have a similar shape. They may share some similar rises and falls. But, they are not the same. My key will not open the front door of my neighbors house. My key has a unique pattern.

Each of us has an infinitely unique pattern that is the key to our heart. There is a unique pattern that will unlock that door. I can use my unique key on your unique lock all day long and I will never succeed in gaining access. I must understand your unique pattern, the pattern that developed based on childhood, friendships, past relationships, self-beliefs, past traumas, and the list goes on.

To truly love another, we must endeavor to understand their pattern. We must love as they understand and realize that they can only love as they understand. To expect them to love as we understand is nonsense and will only lead to frustration and sadness. It requires a choice on their part to seek to understand our pattern. It’s only when they endeavor to understand our pattern that they can understand how to unlock our heart. It is a choice.

Jesus loves us perfectly. He is the Master key. He sees the patterns in our hearts and He loves us in the way that we understand. He loves us in a way that doesn’t condemn or judge, but forgives and encourages. As we open to Him, He changes our pattern, heals our hearts, so we love more like Him.

As we grow in Christ, we seek to love others purely, not needing them to match our pattern to be loved, but seeking to understand theirs. We will never have a master key to hearts as Jesus does, but we can become more and more like Him. As we learn to love without judgment and condemnation, hearts open to our love and encouragement.  

Good Election News

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Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God.

Good election news!! God is still in control. We need not sit in a circle  to grumble, complain, and gripe about the outcome. We need not stand in a circle and celebrate.

The Bible is very clear that God is working history by His plan. History is His Story. The small brush stroke we see during this breath that we call life is not the masterpiece. It’s a brush stroke.

When we worry and fret about the world, we are, in essence saying, “God, You’re getting it all wrong. You see, I know better than You how this should all be working. If You will just listen to me, I can get the government fixed, world peace established, and everyone sitting in a circle singing and sharing a Coke.” What a blasphemous thing to say.

It’s not true. Most of us can barely keep our own life in line. We have blind spots. We have biases (whether we admit it or not). Our focus is on the brush stroke that is our breath of life. We don’t see the Master’s Piece.

God will not change course based on my opinion. I thank Him for that. The good news is that He won’t do it for anyone! Imagine if He changed for every person – He’d take into account 7 Billion opinions, changing every second, all day long, every day.

Jesus healed men, women, Jews, Gentiles, Israelite, Romans, free, and slave. He gave love and healing freely, so much so that people touched His garment as He walked along and were healed. He didn’t do a “political party” survey. Israel was a nation in captivity, yet He healed the Roman soldier’s servant. He rendered unto Caesar what was Caesars. He called us to Spiritual Freedom, even in the midst of political bondage.

Please don’t give up your Spiritual Freedom in favor of political fear this morning. I know some will wring their hands about last nights outcome. Some will throw their hands in the air about last nights outcome. I will fold my hands in prayer for those elected in last nights outcome. I will thank God for still being in control and for allowing me to be a small brush stroke in this Masterpiece He is painting.

Passion, not Possessions

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Matthew 6:19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal.”

Never allow your possessions to become your passion. “Passessions” fade. Passion never fades, but is forever. Allow your “God-ordained” passion to consume.

God gives us passion. Our passion may be art, writing, raising children, or building a business. God lays in each heart passion and natural abilities that lend to the realization of His purpose. None of us accidentally showed up here. God is not a god of accidents or wasted steps. He is a God of intention.

The world strives to reassign our passions to obtaining possessions. It’s one of the most effective tools evil uses. Rather than the possessions being a servant of our passion and purpose, our passion and purpose begin to serve our pursuit of possessions. We use our talents and time to gather things that will fade. They have no eternal impact.

Our passions and purpose must instead determine our possessions. When things begin to interfere with accomplishing the purpose God has laid in our hearts, we feel frustration, disconnection, and depression. Our spirit is communicating that we are off purpose. The bigger house, nicer car, and larger 401K isn’t serving an eternal purpose.

Possessions are the treasure of Self. These lead to emptiness and confusion. There is a lack of purpose and passion. “Why am I here anyway?”

Passion and Purpose are the treasure of Spirit. These lead to fulfillment, satisfaction, and, oddly enough, possessions that fulfill, rather than fade! Every possession serves the passion and purpose. Those that don’t are dismissed. “I know why I’m here.”

Never let possessions become “passessions”. Possessions pass, but Passion is eternal.

Laid Life Well Lived

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John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

Laying down life for another is the single greatest act of love and devotion that one human can show for another. When we think about this, we often have this dramatic picture of a man or woman drawing their final breath, as blood seeps through the jacket they wear. The bullets have been flying and the final words are gasped out, inspiring the hero to go and finish the job, hunt down the villains, and claim victory as the movie credits roll.

But that’s not life. That’s not the way this works. That’s not the way this works at all.

We may picture police officers, firemen, soldiers, doctors, nurses, and EMTs. But this morning, I want you to picture the husband attending his wife of 50 years, as she fights sickness; picture the mother fighting to reclaim her addicted son, as he fights off drugs; and picture the child caring for her elderly mother, as her mother slips further into dementia.

Laying down ones life is a choice to serve. It usually doesn’t happen in a dramatic scene complete with burned out cars in the background. No, it happens much more quietly. It happens moment by moment, day by day. It happens one breath to the next. It happens not in a blur, but at a crawl.

Very few of us will ever be called upon to push someone from the path of a speeding bus. More of us will be called upon to hold the hand of someone in the path of a creeping disease. Almost none of us will be asked to take a bullet for another. Most of us will instead be asked to set aside the brightly colored wishes in our minds and choose to serve our brothers and sisters.

Make no mistake: A life laid down becomes a life well lived. There is no greater service. There is no greater love.

Think for a moment – has there ever been a wife who “dreamed” of caring for her husband dying of cancer? No. It’s a choice to lay down our life to care for another. It’s a form of denying self and taking up the Cross. No one EVER hoped to wipe the drool from their elderly parents mouth! No one EVER said – “I hope my wonderful child needs rescue from drug addiction” or “I hope I get to care for my daughter after a horrific car accident disables her”!

Greater love has no person than to put his or her life on hold and love another, love that person through sickness and difficulty and even death. The love is demonstrated with every tick, tick, tick of the clock. Every breath given is a breath that will never return. Yet, they choose to give this time.

Take a moment today and thank a caregiver. Thank the unseen. Thank the one laying down his life in quiet and humble ways. We all choose how we spend each tick of the clock. People who truly love spend each tick loving others.

Hear The Opinion, Observe The Reaction

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1 Peter 2:13-17 Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men— as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bond servants of God. Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.

Opinions flow freely these days. Politics, religion, societal norms, fashion, and the list goes on. Ask almost anyone and you’ll receive an opinion. Sometimes you don’t even have to ask to receive an opinion. Chances are great that the opinion received won’t be identical to your own.

I’m seldom alarmed about the opinion I hear. I simply consider the words and the delivery. These are speaking to the level of spiritual and emotional maturity of the speaker. When I hear hate, rejection, judgement, narrow thought, and an overriding confidence that the opinion is completely correct, I recall the words of Proverbs 21:2 – Every way of a person seems right in his own eyes (her own eyes), but the Lord weighs the heart. I consider what weight God might find in the opinion and I make note of how I might now witness, love, and give to this person. Opportunity is revealed.

I’m more concerned with how I react to the opinion I hear. How do I respond to hateful words, prideful remarks, and narrow thought? This speaks directly to what God will find as He weighs my heart. It speaks directly to my spiritual and emotional maturity. Do I have the maturity to hear an opinion completely different than my own and still love the person, even when I disagree with their words? Do I possess a strength of conviction to embrace this persons humanity even as they may reject mine? God weighs all hearts… not just those I disagree with.

In the end, people’s opinions speak to their spiritual and emotional maturity. How we respond speaks to ours. What will God find today, as He places your heart in His scale?

Bad Day. Good Information

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“Bad days” can open the window on unvoiced needs. Listen closely, value the window. Hear their true need.

Too often, we hear a loved one who is having a “bad day” or we are having a “bad day” and we write it off to just being tired, hungry, frustrated, etc. This time offers a wonderful window on the true needs of our loved ones or our own needs. More often than not, the words being said are from a place that is very tightly guarded on a “good day”. Be thankful for it – listen closely. It allows us to learn how we might better love that person.

High emotion may reveal true needs, wants, and desires. It may not be “out of character” at all. It may just be “out of the closet”. High emotion opens a door on needs that some are ashamed to express. It opens a view of self that some consider selfishness. It doesn’t just come out of nowhere… it comes from somewhere. Rather than being angry about it, value it for the breadcrumbs it provides to find the truth.

When a spouse expresses frustration, what is the truth in it? When a sibling expresses anger, what is the truth in it? When an employee expresses apathy, what is the truth in it? Rest assured, there is truth there. We can deny or we can look it in the eye.

This is not to say that people can’t say things they really don’t mean. The high emotion may lead to hurtful words that are over the top. Look for the emotion, the energy at the bottom… not the words on top. The energy will be loosely covered. This will be the truth.

We can choose to yell back, fight, demand our rights… and the wonderful window will close. Or we can choose to grab the glimpse while we can and, at a more opportune time, explore what we saw. It can lead to a whole new depth of understanding – of self or a loved one. Value the bad days and the windows they provide. 

Love & Hate – Same House, Different Rooms

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John 13:34-35 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.

In every heart, there is a room for love and a room for hate, sharing a common wall. The wall between might be called focus. The door of choice swings both ways. Our exertion of thought and energy determine the direction the door swings most often.

Yesterday, a synagogue was attacked. Innocent people were killed. In the past, it’s been churches, mosques, temples, schools, offices, and the list goes on. The weapons have been guns, knives, automobiles, planes, and this list too goes on. The energy has always, always, always been hate. There is no love, there is no Divine, there is no God in these choices. Anyone who sees love here is looking through a distorted and twisted lens.

It’s tempting to become discouraged and exert our thoughts and energy on the hate. It’s tempting to swing that door toward hate and give it greater visibility. Like a great balloon, as we hold the door open, hate inflates with each breath of our fear.

Instead, let’s focus on the love in this world. While one man was making a poor choice to kill, caregivers around the world were helping others to live. While one man focused hate on a synagogue, many were showing love in the name of their faith. One rampaged in a house of worship up north, while entire houses of worship volunteered in Florida and North Carolina for hurricane survivors. Let’s give the breath of our praise to inflate love.

When we focus on the fear, hate grows. When we focus on faith, love grows. The choice of the swinging door is daily. Where will we exert our power?